his is the final C.F. Floyd National Affairs column for 2018. Boy, time flies when you’re agitating and stuff! 2018 review? No time. 2019 preview? Wait till next week. No, I got today’s idea when I read Bess’s stellar bit about hating Christmas shopping
, the children’s survival notwithstanding. Such was my enjoyment that mine was the first comment:
“I miss the cute, little Mossad-ettes peddling sea salt in the malls. The rest, they can keep.”
Thank you, Bess, for planting a fantastic seed in the untoward garden of my mind. Here goes: Remember the Dead Sea salt girls at the mall? I do and fondly.
It was December 2006. Determined to waste as much money as possible buying the affections of loved ones, I strolled the crowded promenade of North Point Mall in Alpharetta. I had Baby Girl, the Old Man, a few friends, the nieces, and the dorks well covered. I needed something (else) for the Wife and something for those other womanly relations. Not being the most domestically-minded man, you can imagine my consternation.
It was, I recall, getting late. My ever-befuddled thoughts turned to ale and cigars. The pace and volume of the throng began to wear upon my fragile nerves. I needed answers, options and I needed them fast.
Then, She hailed me over. …